Best of the worst

I just delivered a package with no one to sign it.

I lost two and a half pounds in, wait, there was no one to time it.

Why is it that no one is holding this trophy’s other handle?…. 

Is it because, to my craps, no one lights a candle?

No one quickly becomes a lonesome companion

As lunch emerges from the bum I call my “poop-spouting canyon.”