Environmentally conscientious

Every cramp tells me to stay seated.

Yet, with every splash, my desire to remain becomes more depleted.

Foreign countries are known to supply a bidet

For occasions I endure roughly three times a day

But a luxury like that would come at a cost.

Because each time I dry my dripping wet butt, a tree is lost

Still there’s no way I would share a towel

Which use is solely to wipe an area so foul.